The triple-blind experiments have been conducted, the surveys completed and the data collected. The Grim Richard family has come to a scientific conclusion:
Our dog Tuna is a way better face licker than than our other dog Marnie.
Though they are both Boston Terriers, general consensus is that Marnie’s tongue is too slimy and lacks assertiveness. Tuna, however, has a strong, muscular lick with just the right amount of moisture. By moisture, I mean dog spit.
This is what happens when families spend too much time together.
It’s true. Every day some expert on television or the Internet proclaims how important it is to spend time with your kids. And, weirdly enough, these television and Internet experts assert that “spending time with your family” should not include watching television or surfing the Internet.
But have they actually spent a lot of time with their own families? Probably not. They’re working in the cutthroat world of repeating dubious scientific information just because it’s been repeated a lot. They don’t have time to hang out with their families.
Bridget and I have actually spent time with our family and learned the truth. If you take away television and the Internet and just spend actual, quality time with your family, the situation quickly devolves. Sometimes, it devolves into a face licking contest between your dogs.
And that’s if you’re lucky. Sometimes, your kids want to talk about stuff like sex, religion or whether targeted tax breaks for businesses can stimulate large-scale economies.
Which is why we stick with face-licking contests between our dogs. Besides, our dog Tuna has a gift. His face licks are relaxing. It’s like a day spa treatment except it’s free - and the spa is located really, really close to a dog food factory.